Cheesesteak, made by me


Cheesesteak, made by me, originally uploaded by Yod!.

.

2 comments

Day 10: Passive-aggressive decorating

Only one or two people that read this blog have ever gone into my parents' house in Ohio. If I ever return, I will get pictures to document this post. But for now you are going to have to take my word for it.


There are family pictures all over the place in that house. Everywhere we went we took copious pictures as is legally required for people of Asian descent. So walk around that house and look at all the pictures... and you will notice something.

Every picture is the same.

Well, the time and place changes, from 1980's Ohio, to a trip to Japan in 1992, etc. 

But the composition is always the same.

My mother is all done up, smiling at the camera.

My father is never looking at the camera, or if he is he has a pissed off look.

I am usually looking at the camera, but looking unkempt or blinking or smiling strange. 

This is true for every single picture on display in our house. At last count it was over 50.

Now, before you say that obviously my father never looked at the camera, or I always looked like a bum or don't know how to smile, it's not true. We have album after album of pictures where all three of us look great. She never EVER hangs those up though. Not one. In fact, unless there's a pic from the same event already hanging, you won't find any pictures where my mother is the only one smiling and me and dad are being tarded. Why? Because she's already taken them all and hung them up on the walls. 

A few years ago I was talking to my mother on a night where she had imbibed enough Grand Marnier to be open. I asked her if this was on purpose (of course it is on purpose, I was more wanting to see if she would bother lying). My mother told me that she held this family together, and that on our trips and especially during picture time, she was the only one paying attention because my dad is aloof and I'm just a bad kid that doesn't know how to smile. So when she's hanging up pictures, she tries to get pictures that accurately portray what it was like being there.

So there you have it. My mother is some sort of oddball adherent to cinema verite.




1 comment Tags: 30 days of miserable childhood

For small apartments: collapsible cats


For small apartments: collapsible cats, originally uploaded by Yod!.

.

Post a comment

Day 9: A community full of idiots

To my parents' credit, a lot of this wasn't their fault. Well, it was but it's understandable why they didn't act more like human beings. Most of their friends were also Asian with children, and their abusive methods of parenting spread like cancer as they all reassured each other that this was the way to raise bad kids in this horrible white world they lived in.


Instead of trying to describe the different things they did, I'm going to share with you some of the things I overheard at their dinner parties. You be the judge. Keep in mind that the speakers here are all professionals with college degrees making upper middle class incomes and working at major corporations. So it's not like they lived in a dark hole, unless you consider Ohio a dark hole.

  • I was very impress by dollar store. You should see the BRAND they have! They even has LA GEAR! (this was in 1995 mind you).
  • My kid tried to take a dangerous trip with their friend last weekend. But I'm not dumb enough to allow my kid to go to camping with boy scout.
  • Of course I vote Republican. I don't want gay or black to move into our neighborhood.
  • Did you hear about Charles kid? He so bad! Get to college and not want be doctor anymore. See, I told Charles don't let kid live in dorm, get bad influence other kids.
  • We never eat in restaurant with nice looking. Because you are pay for nice looking instead of food. If you want to pay for nice looking spend money decorate your house instead.
  • We don't allow kid watch TV. TV give them temptation not be good kid.
  • I talk to my kid about sex last week. I say, sex is for bad kid, you get doctor, and then family.
  • His daughter went to school dance with black. That why they move house to come here and be this school system.
  • I don't like Mexican food. Mexico is poor junk country with low class people. Why their food going to taste any good.
  • In home country we not have Mexican. But we have Filipino. Same thing.
  • That Kim Dae. He pretend to believe in joke Jesus so Presbyterian bring him to America. When he get here, he tell them, "I don't believe in your white children story!" and leave church.
  • My wife caught kid masturbate. We yell for three hour. You suppose study, not masturbate!
  • I make my kid do talent show play violin. He say other kid make fun of him. White kid jealous.
  • Did you hear is son is a GAY? What? Oh, not gay? Have girlfriend that work at mall? Is bad too!
  • We find out our kid take English class at Yale, so we cut off money and tell him if take Mickey Mouse class we  make him go to Ohio State. 
  • We think about adopt. But only brown kid available here. And if we want Asian kid we just make our own.
  • My husband was lay off last week. They say he not communicate good. We think are sue discrimination.


4 comments Tags: 30 days of miserable childhood

You squeeze the clam and get...


You squeeze the clam and get..., originally uploaded by Yod!.

.

1 comment

Wheee


Wheee, originally uploaded by Yod!.

.

1 comment

Yay baseball


Yay baseball, originally uploaded by Yod!.

.

Post a comment

LOL no shame at all


LOL no shame at all, originally uploaded by Yod!.

These two middle aged women got 5 seconds of camera time. The sign
reads "cougars 4 cook"
.

2 comments

A nicer portrayal of my cat...

This is Ebby watching KittyTV (aka the outside window). She wags on command...



3 comments

My cat's super scary meow

This is her HAPPY meow. Seriously. She was playing with the phone charm on my old blackberry when this was recorded. That thunk you hear the end is when she hit the charm into the mic.

 

 

Ebby
Ebby
3 comments

3 comments

Read more from Yod »

Yod

About Me

Yod
View my profile
Now with 100% more meh.
AIM:
ohyod
Digg:
branchero
Facebook:
500671964
Flickr:
branchero
Twitter:
branchero

OMG STUFF

My Groups

View my groups

Neighborhood

Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.

View my neighbors

Links

View more of my links

Tags

View my tags

Recent Comments

Archives