Eating with my parents... the full experience
Some of you reading this have had dinner with my parents at some point or another. Be aware that my parents were on their very bestest behavior when that happened and that the reality of their views on food are quite different. For those of you that follow my eating habits and adventures, reading this will probably explain quite a bit.
- Eating in a restaurant that looks nice is a waste of money. This one is from my mother. She believes that any place that looks nice has spent the money on decor and upkeep, and thus you are paying for that instead of the food. While from a business standpoint this does have a modicum of truth to it, in reality the support costs of a restaurant really aren't going to be the problem. To me, the real problem is that chain restaurants that all have that sanitized look to them always have mediocre food. This has nothing to do with the fact that they spent money on decor, and has a lot more to do with the fact that they are just mediocre restaurants... some would say by design.
This is very odd considering that my parents eat at Outback probably three to four times a week. They love steak, and the way Outback does their steaks really works for my parents. One day, I asked my mother why it was ok to eat at Outback, since they obviously do spend money on their decor. Her response? "The food is good, and the decor is very bad and cheap, look so cheap. I think they get decor Goodwill store." - Eating while on vacation is a waste of money. Ohhhh, this one really gets me mad. My parents and Thai people in general, don't believe in spending any money when you're on vacation. The logic goes that you have gone on vacation for one reason: Sightseeing. That's it. Don't waste more money than you need to.
I actually start to get very angry when I think about this. We traveled a lot when I was a kid, and I can't even fathom how much awesome food I missed out on because of this stupid policy. Montreal without a smoked meat sandwich? Miami without rock crab claws? Tokyo without sushi? Boston without chowder? These things would never occur now. I could do nothing but eat local food for about a week in any major city before I felt the need to go see anything. But in my childhood, all of these cities tasted the same. Like ramen. - The job of the man is to have the backup dish. This is something directly caused by my parents' clashing personalities. My mother is very adventurous but ignores the consequences of anything she does. My father is very boring and would love to live life in the "OK" column. So this is what happens at restaurants: my mother orders the most messed up sounding dish on the menu, no matter how bad it sounds. My father gets the most boring option on the menu. When the food comes, if the crazy dish my mother got is good, yay for her. If not, she trades it to my dad for his "safety dish", leaving him with the dog food she ordered. They've done it this way for decades. Unfortunately this did not carry over to me, so there's no Secret Dish Service protection for Jody.
- Garlic should be served unpeeled, after soaking in rancid vegetable oil. No further description needed.
- Nobody should start eating until the woman of the house is ready and has a bite. However, the woman of the house will run around doing bullshit things for 15-45 minutes after the meal is ready to go. SIT DOWN. Seriously.
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For real, 90 minutes, in the restaurant.