Yod's Vox

If there is a God, he has a wicked sense of humor.

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:09:48 -0700

Just came across a blog entry of one of my no longer friends whining about how she feels stuck in her marriage because they have a child together.

Let's rewind.

The child in question was conceived because she had hurried, unprotected sex with her husband in the hopes that he would go to sleep soon afterwards so she could go chatsex her online boyfriend.

Yeah.

I usually have pretty witty comments to throw into entries like this one, but there's really no need.

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Wiinises

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:57:45 -0700

Wiinises, originally uploaded by Yod!.

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Review: Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo Assholery Trainer)

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 02:47:44 -0700

In the Nintendo family of devices, you can find all sorts of games that aim to train you to do something better. There are the brain training games, the vision training games, the word play games and now with Wii Fit, even physical, or at least balance training.

But what if you need a game to train you to be a rabid asshole?

It's out. It's called Mario Kart Wii.

Now, before we go any further, let's get out of the way the notion that I'm somehow being oversensitive to what I am terming as assholery in gaming. As a former MMO addict, I have dealt with losers trying to make up for decades of sloth by finding "success" in a virtual arena. And I've played on that wonderful thing known as Xbox Live, where it seems most people have only three things to discuss: 1) how women are "bitches" 2) how big their epeens are 3) where all the black people in America can go and how much cotton they can pick when they get there (yes, Xbox Live can not only get that bad, it is frequently, consistently that bad).

Despite all that, I still declare Mario Kart Wii (and the Mario Kart series in general) the crown jewel of assholery in gaming.

Why? It's simple. There's no other game in the world that is purely designed to train you to be an asshole, and in turn reward you for doing so. I know what you're thinking. What about games like Halo and Half-Life? You have a good point. However, there are a few key differences:

1) In Halo and Half-Life, you're really only encouraged to be an asshole in multiplayer combat.

2) Halo and Half-Life are FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS. The entire point of the game is to kill.

But the most important point is this one:

3) In Mario Kart Wii, you and your "opponents" all have the same goal, to be achieved the same way: to cover a predetermined race distance in the shortest amount of time.

So in this sense, Mario Kart Wii is just like any other racing game, right? Slow down. In most if not all racing games, the goal is to get to the finish line first (there are others where you want to rack up more points, etc). That is the goal in Mario Kart Wii as well. The difference is that in most racing games, you have a very limited number of "asshole" tactics:

1) Ram your opponent

2) Damage your opponent

3) Brake early and make your opponent hit you

All of these things have a significant chance of ruining your odds in the race as well, and many games will penalize you for using them. Mario Wii Kart is not that way, at all. The game is designed around asshole tactics:

turn into a giant bullet and steamroll everyone
spray squid ink all over everyone's screen
shrink everyone
shoot others with fucking turtle sheels
leave fake powerup bombs around the track
leave banana peels around the track

There are more that I'm forgetting, I'm sure. The point is, this isn't a racing game. It's an Assholery Trainer. Because the biggest, most effective asshole wins. This isn't to say the game isn't fun. It is. But don't claim you like this game because you like racing. You just like being an asshole.

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Baby turkeez!!!

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:44:22 -0700

Baby turkeez!!!, originally uploaded by Yod!.

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Dear retard pickup truck driver

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 18:09:06 -0700

Dear retard pickup truck driver, originally uploaded by Yod!.

That is NOT a parking space. Fuck off and go back to West Virginia.
.

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Taquito cat is unhappy filling

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 13:23:13 -0700

Taquito cat is unhappy filling, originally uploaded by Yod!.

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LOL at metal gear

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 11:39:26 -0700

LOL at metal gear, originally uploaded by Yod!.

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The average Yod workday...

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 11:52:32 -0700

Want to know what it's like to be a program/project manager at a major multinational technology company? Read on...

6:30a

I wake up.

6:30a-9:00a

I spend this time checking emails and writing replies. If my laptop is still out from the night before I use the laptop for this, otherwise I use my iPhone. Let me note that I have no email backlog whatsoever, even though on peak days I may get 100-200 emails that are actionable. I find it completely unacceptable for anyone in this industry to have an email backlog. Email is still the main medium for workflow and communication and if you are not keeping up with your email you are not keeping up with your job. In my morning email session I am mainly writing the lengthy, process related replies that I didn't have time for the previous day.

Even though I'm in the Pacific time zone, there's not much traffic at this hour. However, if I'm going to get an escalation it's going to be around this time.

At some point during this, Jody convinces me to pack up and come in to the office.

9:00a-11:00a

This is the time that I reserve for program management. Unlike projects which have a defined deliverable and end date, programs are ongoing and require some level of my input. I categorize programs into three basic categories:

Category A: Manages itself. Automatic tracking. Escalations and issues are pushed to me, so I don't have to engage constantly to check if something went wrong. I exist mainly as a escalation point.

Category B: Semi-automatic tracking. No push data, I must monitor at least weekly to make sure things are running smoothly.

Category C: Lots of manual tracking and input needed. I am most likely critical to workflow/

The programs that I manage are a good mix of the three, although the C's really eat up my time.

In addition to checking in and dealing with the program issues, I am a stakeholder in many other projects and programs that are not under my span of control. Because of people on the east coast, most of the conference calls about these sorts of things also happen in this time period. On particularly heavy call days my program management spills over into the afternoon.

11:00a-11:30a

Food obtained and consumed.

11:30a-4:00p

This is my project management time, where I move along the several projects that I manage. For some projects this means nothing more than phoning or emailing the people doing the work for me and making sure we are on track. For others it is more involved as instead of attempting to get resources assigned for tasks I need completed it often makes more budgetary and time sense for me to do it myself. This is when the five hour Excel marathons occur.

4:00p-5:00p

At some point during this hour I will leave. Although I have stopped working at 4, Jody has a similar postion and responsibilities but with a larger span, so she may be stuck here for some additional time dealing with an additional issue.

5:00p-12:00m

I get home. MacBook Pro, PS3, Xbox 360, Comcast DVR all get fired up. If there is an ongoing escalation I'll have my work laptop up as well. Otherwise I use my iPhone to keep watch over my work mail queue to make sure nothing needs my attention

If a task from a project I am managing has fallen behind for whatever reason and I have decided to do it myself, it's during this time period that I'll probably do it.

12:00m

I attempt to sleep.

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I can has scrotum with my reality show?

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 20:21:56 -0700

I can has scrotum with my reality show?, originally uploaded by Yod!.

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Love the farmers market

nobody@vox.com(Yod) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 14:35:28 -0700

Love the farmers market, originally uploaded by Yod!.

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